Guesting: Damages

You came. You saw. You broke stuff. It happens.

But what is a good guest, like yourself, supposed to do?

First of all, be the one who calls attention to the incident. Don’t try to let it go unnoticed. This can be difficult if you have a few kids with you. They have to be coached to tell you as soon as something gets broken or damaged. They won’t care, unless you teach them to care. And you won’t teach them to care unless you act like you care. Go directly to your host, as soon as possible and express your remorse while giving a simple explanation of what happened. If your child did the damage, they should apologize for what they have done. Again, they won’t be able to do this unless you teach them in advance.

Here’s an example of a good apology, “Ms. Anne, I was playing in the kitchen and my ball knocked your plate onto the ground. I shouldn’t have done that and I am sad it is broken.” When Ms. Anne hears this, she will immediately assure your child that they are forgiven (for breaking her one of a kind, hand painted plate that her mother brought her from Greece) and acknowledge that she should have mentioned that her house has a complete ban on balls in the kitchen.

See? Mutual responsibility! Hugs all around and everybody moves on. There is no way a child can give an apology or even acknowledge a wrong done unless you are coaching them to take responsibility for their actions and make amends.

If you did the damage, put on your humble hat and go take responsibility. If you break, stain, bend or dent something and refuse to acknowledge it, you are doing the same damage to your relationship. Your host WILL see it and they will consider how it happened. Do you want them to wonder if you care? You’re not on trial here, people just like to know what has happened.

Let’s say you’ve done one of those epic, though in-advertent, things that causes a broken chair or a brand-new hole in the wall. Maybe your baby turned a little snag in a screen door into a hole big enough for her to climb through with ease. Of course, you apologized and you might have even offered to pay for the repair. Without knowing your hosts, I am making a guess that they said the situation was, “No problem” and “not to worry about it.” My suggestion is that you follow their instructions.

Do Not Worry About It. Do Something About It.

Let them know that you value and follow their advice when you send them a card and a Home Depot (or another appropriate store) gift certificate for $50. Will this cover the cost? Maybe, but that’s not actually the point. The point you make when you do this is that you value your relationship with them.

Remember, your hosts value you more than their stuff. Show them that you value the relationship by caring for their stuff.