Texas Embassy Updates
Even after years of living in Texas, visiting has taught me some new things. I thought I’d share them. We can all learn together.
If your parents have a flock of chickens, they’ll likely have a few roosters. If they have a few roosters and you have a few children, they’re bound to meet. This won’t be a happy time, but it will be a special Christmas memory for the children. For the roosters, it’ll be just another day. After the children run into the house crying, your mom will give each child a broom and tell them to go back out into the backyard and play. If the children see a rooster, they will hold out their broom like a sword and they will brandish it.
The rooster will be unimpressed, but may walk the other way.
If the children see one another, they will instantly begin sword fighting. They will enjoy this game very much until someone clearly loses. That child will run into the house crying. Only after all of this, your parents will lock up the rooster for the afternoon and you will confiscate the brooms.
If you’re driving an XL SUV rental and you have two brothers, they will both help you park it. They will stand together on the far side of your spot and they will wave very clear instructions to you. They will not interact while they do this. Standing within inches of one another, they will focus all of their positive intent on you. If one waves two fingers to the right and the other one makes a circle with his left hand, they mean the same thing. If one nods vigorously while the other one beckons you toward him, you’re doing a great job. If one jerks his thumb over to the left, while the other one holds his hands like a goal post, they’re having a disagreement. Just do what you think is best. When it all works out well, just like it would if they weren’t there, be sure to thank them. After all, not everyone has such loving family.
If your family of 13 go out to dinner together, they will try to get the best deal possible. They will share plates. They will share drinks. At the end of the meal, just before the ticket comes, they will produce three Groupon deals and give them to the waitress. Her boss will only allow two for each table. The person who offered to pay will point out that you’ve joined a total of three tables together. This will fall on deaf ears. Your family will produce two military I.D.s and take those to the waitress. The two senior citizens will ask about discounts. The ticket will still come in the end and as everyone leaves the table, you should think about leaving an extra tip.