A Cup of Questions?
Whether you love it or hate it, another family holiday is coming. Many of my friends discuss long and awkward dinners with family members they hardly know. They dread holidays and the obligation to connect with these disconnected relatives. They feel miserable and a bit empty when it ends. In any situation you can’t just get out of, seek to be the agent of change. If conversations are stale, shallow and full of awkward pauses, bring in a new way to converse. Avoid emotionally charged opportunities to argue. Direct the conversation in a consensus building way.
One tradition my family has enjoyed for many years with our guests is the cup of questions. The questions are a simple list of conversation starting questions. They can be light and fun or deep and provocative. Make up your own or feel free to use mine. Click Here To Print the Cup of Questions. Printing them out is something you will need to do, but cutting them out is the job of any elementary school aged person that complains of boredom before noon.
Use the cup wherever it will help most. If guests are in your home for hours before the meal, you can set it on the kitchen counter and ask any adult that walks into the kitchen to pull out a question and answer it. As the host, you can easily nestle the cup amongst the dishes on the table and watch over the flow of conversation at the table. If things get started well and continue on, ignore the cup. But if people are oddly paired and find little common ground, the cup will help.
Bunny Not Included
If your feast is separated into distinct courses, then it is easy to pass the cup after each serving. Salad, discussion, main meal, discussion, dessert, discussion, coffee or wine, discussion. If your feast is more of a buffet style free-for-all, just wait until people are settled into their rhythm of eating and then call attention to the cup. Explain that you’ll be pulling out a question, reading it aloud and taking time to answer it. The person to pull the question can be the only one to answer or everyone can take a turn. It’s up to you. Think of follow up questions that you can ask to the people around you. Example: Cup Question “Where have you always wanted to visit and why?” Follow Up Question “Anybody got a recommendation for a great trip?” or “Anybody want to come with me?” So simple.
- Remember how insecure people are. Don’t tell anyone their answer is wrong. Take time at the end of your gathering to thank people for their answers and the thought they put into them.
- Remember that your goal is good conversation. If a great conversation gets started around the second question, don’t rush to the third question. Wait until people are quite done with the topic.
- Participate in the conversations with encouragement and interest. These people may drive you crazy at some points of the year, but use this moment to be the most gracious person at the table.